Zeros to Heroes: NFL Approves Rule to Allow Players to Wear Jersey #0

We know that you love the spontaneous displays of emotion that come after a spectacular touchdown.

This content is intended as satyrical reading for entertainment only; it does not endorse any negative activities mentioned herein.

There have been glimpses that the NFL is trying to shed its image as the No Fun League after it relaxed the rules on celebrations following a touchdown a few years ago.

At the time, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell was quoted as saying,

“We know that you love the spontaneous displays of emotion that come after a spectacular touchdown. And players have told us they want more freedom to be able to express themselves and celebrate their athletic achievements.”


Ah, yeah, Rog, why did it take you and all of the corporate suits years to figure out what every fan inherently understood? Celebrations are fun! Who the hell knew?! Well, apparently everyone except the squares making beaucoup dough, who sit atop their NFL ivory towers in Manhattan.

The great unwashed masses may not know a damn thing about merchandising and corporate sponsorships, but, dammit, we know fun when we see it. Even during the NFL offseason, there’s always fun involved! Was that so hard to figure out?

Heroes to Wear Zeroes

The most recent step the league took towards loosening up their metaphorical ties came this week when NFL news let the world know that the Philadelphia Eagles’ proposal allowing players to wear number 0 was granted. Well, almost all players, as the prohibition on offensive and defensive linemen persists.

I’m okay with that, as the big uglies in the trenches aren’t the glamor boys of the NFL. They’re the soul-crushing, bone-breaking, snarling monsters whose only concern is what goes down in the pit. Double-digit numbers fit the bill perfectly for them, and I’m glad offensive linemen will continue with 50-79, while defensive linemen get a bit more leeway with 50-79 and 90-99.

It’s doubtful we’ll see a bevy of stars lining up to snatch the 0, but the first few who have come forward are wideout Calvin Ridley and his brand-new Jacksonville Jaguars team, plus outside linebacker Micah Parsons of the Dallas Cowboys.

“Excited to be the first Jaguars player to wear zero,” Ridley wrote in a post accompanied by a picture of him with the number.

A triumvirate of NBA superstars – Jayson Tatum, Damian Lillard, and Russell Westbrook – have all been players wearing zero, but I’m not quite sure Westbrook’s superstar status still applies.

Adam Silver, the NBA’s commissioner, seems to get it; he’s a smart guy who’s not all buttoned up, like Roger, but let’s give credit where credit is due: Goodell and his cohort of nerdy NFL number crunchers apparently got the memo that professional football is not to be treated like quantum physics and that it’s okay to relax and let the boys – and, more importantly, the fans – have a little fun. Now if we can just squeeze the 00 into the rulebooks, then we’ll definitely know it’s party time in the NFL.

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